Let’s admit it: most people think it’s different when a woman has sex with a boy compared to a man having sex with a girl (or a man having sex with a boy, or a woman having sex with a girl).
News stories about female teachers having sex with underage male students seem to be everywhere lately (due to increased reporting rather than increased incidents). And I’ve noticed that the most common favourable comment, “lucky boy”, comes from men. Other men call it rape, as do many women.
But what if a 15 year old boy thinks a 35 year old woman is hot? What if he initiates flirting with her, she responds, he pushes further, and it leads to sex? Isn’t he somewhat responsible? Primarily responsible perhaps?
Of course, one would never suggest that in the case of a 15 year old girl who flirts with a 35 year old man. Clearly that would be rape apology and victim blaming. And obviously a grown man should know better.
A grown woman should also know better.
However, one such woman claims she’s the real victim, and the boy is a rapist. Most of those commenting on the article don’t buy her story. But it’s interesting that she so easily thought this would be a viable strategy considering society’s chivalric/feminist empathy for females combined with zero empathy for men. Her miscalculation is that society’s lack of empathy for males is a gradual erosion, and a teenage boy (however tall) still retains some empathy from others because he’s not a man yet.
Yet, it is true that a boy might think he wants to have sex with a woman. But he is a boy, however worldly and street smart he might appear. He might not realize the emotional fallout he’ll experience after the fact. It’s not reasonable to assume he’s mature enough to expect this. But it is reasonable to expect a woman to anticipate this.
Further, the boy is unlikely to be aware of the long-term legal consequences of such a dalliance. But a woman should know.
A teenage girl who has sex with a male teacher might get pregnant. In most states she would be unable to have an abortion without parental or judicial consent. If she gives birth, however, she can sue her former teacher for child support, and though he’ll be in jail for several years the child support will be retroactive.
A teenage boy has fewer options. The woman can choose abortion or not. If she gives birth, she can sue him for child support. And though he won’t have to pay until he’s 18, the child support will be retroactive to the baby’s birthday. And if the woman serves any jail time at all (and she might not), it likely will be months not years.
The reason statutory rape is still rape even if the minor “consented” is that a minor is unlikely to be able to make a fully informed choice.
This is no less true for a boy than for a girl.
But the women good/men bad philosophy that prevails today not only obscures this, it infantilizes women. The “progressive” notion that women must always be seen as victims and men as perpetrators – or at the very least that we must never view women as perpetrators – is feminist, misogynist, and misandrist all at the same time. Sexism is indeed a double-edged sword.
Refusing to put women on a pedestal is controversial to say the least. It’s considered misogyny to say that sexual abuse and domestic violence are not about patriarchal control of women, but in reality they’re about control in general, without respect to sex or gender, because abuse of men and boys by women is far more common than most people realize.